Dubai, the land of sand, sun, and shopping. Where the only thing hotter than the temperature is the price tag on those designer shoes you’ve been eyeing. But don’t let that discourage you, dear traveler, because there’s more to Dubai than just overpriced luxury goods. There’s also overpriced luxury experiences!
First stop on your Dubai tour should be the Burj Khalifa, the tallest building in the world. As you stand at the base, gazing up in awe at the sheer height of it, you’ll be struck by the realization that the only thing taller than the building is the amount of money you spent on your ticket to the observation deck. But it’s worth it, trust us. The view is absolutely breathtaking. Or maybe that’s just the lack of oxygen from being so high up.
Next, take a trip to the Dubai Mall, the largest mall in the world. As you walk through the endless corridors lined with designer boutiques and luxury shops, you’ll be struck by the overwhelming feeling of consumerism and the crushing weight of societal pressure to keep up with the Joneses. But don’t worry, you can always buy a new designer handbag to lift your spirits.
After a long day of shopping, head over to the Palm Jumeirah, a man-made island in the shape of a palm tree. As you take in the beautiful view of the artificial island, you’ll be struck by the realization that even nature can be improved upon with a little human intervention and a lot of money. And while you’re there, be sure to check out the Atlantis hotel, where you can snap a selfie with the giant statue of Poseidon and pretend like you can afford to stay there.
But the true highlight of your Dubai tour has yet to come: Ski Dubai, an indoor ski resort in the middle of the desert. As you strap on your skis and hit the slopes, you’ll be struck by the absurdity of it all. Skiing in a mall, in the desert, in a country where the temperature outside is well over 100 degrees. But hey, that’s Dubai for you.
Finally, end your tour with a sunset camel ride through the desert. As you sway back and forth on the hump of your trusty steed, you’ll be struck by the realization that this is the closest you’ll ever get to experiencing the “real” Dubai. But don’t worry, you can always buy a camel-shaped keychain in the gift shop to remember your adventure.
So there you have it, dear traveler, a complete tour of Dubai. Just remember, while you’re here, don’t be afraid to max out your credit card, because in Dubai, nothing says “I’ve made it” quite like being in debt. Happy shopping!